so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
