Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
