Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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