He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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