They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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