i was born a porn star she said
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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