Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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