i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
