That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
