What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
