Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
