No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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