I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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