I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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