Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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