I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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