I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
