That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
