i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
