You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
