Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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