And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I party with great urgency now.
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