Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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