So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
