so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
