Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
