I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
