Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
