i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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