if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
