Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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