It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
