Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
