Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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