omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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