My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
