Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.