You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?