I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?