he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
