I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Randomize
