discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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