sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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