my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
