i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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