in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
