She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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