Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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