SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
