My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
