Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
