we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
