For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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