TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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