he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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