Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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