I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
