There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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