Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
