im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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