If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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