i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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