KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize