yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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