I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
