Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
