hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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