Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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