Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
