i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
