Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
