then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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