there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
