Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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