i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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