I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
