i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
