vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we should paint friendship bongs
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