You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
