How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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