thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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