i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My vagina is officially offended.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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