I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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