i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
