We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
