i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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