see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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