he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
