I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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